


If you feel like letting go

by chickentine



Series: Tumblr Angst Prompts [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 17:16:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2660069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickentine/pseuds/chickentine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rink was cold. Charlie was colder.</p><p>A Tumblr Angst Prompt fic for an anon</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you feel like letting go

**Author's Note:**

> The angst prompt was "You’re not useless”
> 
> This is short and kind of angsty and yes, the Arctic Edge locker room is my appointed home of angst

Meryl had an inkling that maybe she _was_ going out too much, that her trips to Los Angeles and her little events all over the place were a tad bit overkill for their ongoing “enjoying life at the moment” catchphrase. But, as she always reasoned out, she _had_ spent the better part of the supposed best years of her life in and out of rinks and competition arenas and her current fixation with out-of-town trips to see her friends from Dancing with the Stars was just her way of compensating for that.

After all, a few parties in downtown Manhattan with Jenna Johnson could never hurt, as did her many engagements in LA and her few solo endorsement deals.

She never thought that there _were_ repercussions, only not in the sense of hangovers and thousands of dollars in plane tickets and hotels.

More importantly, she never thought that those repercussions would come from _Charlie,_ without whom she couldn’t have reached such a level of fame and fortune and who was enjoying life at a different level, what with his engagement and new home and plans of getting a new dog.

She should have seen it coming, she berated herself, as she burst in the locker room, slightly breathless from running, only to see her partner sitting sullenly and staring blankly at the opposite wall, fists clenched. Meryl knew Charlie like the back of her hand, like the half of her soul, and she knew he was terribly, terribly _angry._

“Where,” Charlie began, each word drawing out like he was tasting it, like he was reveling in his own anger. “ _Where. Have. You. Been?_ ”

Meryl sighed guiltily. She _was_ late and this was not the first time. But Charlie had been so supportive, so understanding of how she _had_ to miss Saturday practice because of a quick weekender to LA to support Jenna’s dance show.

“I’m so sorry, I was talking to the agent about some Dancing with the Stars premiere gig and it got out of hand and _I’m so so – ”_

Charlie was glaring at her now, his blue eyes piercing into her and she could practically _taste_ his anger.

“Do you think it’s _fun,_ ” Charlie said, his voice rising with every word. “To be left here trying to tell Marina why we can’t practice next week because you’re going to _New York_ again? Do you think it’s been _amazing_ to be left here while you’re off to the parties with all the alcohol and the possible _drugs_ and all those dancers who just couldn’t get their hands off everyone? Do you think it’s _fun?_ ”

Meryl wanted to be apologetic, she really did. And she _was,_ but there was something about Charlie’s anger that set her off – this was _her_ life, after all, and they _had_ made it clear that now was the best time to start figuring out how to be their own people, not defined by their partnership or their success. Charlie had been so supportive, listening to her stories about America’s best nightlife and the clothes she shopped for with her Dancing with the Stars friends and his anger was just uncalled for.

“Charlie – ”

“I am _terrified,_ Meryl. I feel like you’re not the same anymore.”

Meryl closed her eyes and counted, slowly, to ten. Now _she_ was angry. Charlie sounded like a petulant child afraid of being left behind while his friends moved on with their lives. But she wasn’t, she was still the same, and there was _nothing_ wrong with finding enjoyment in different things. If Charlie wanted his suburban life with Tanith, so be it, but she was not going to pass up on the chance to enjoy the sophistication of her newly found friends and life.

Charlie chuckled darkly, unexpectedly.

“It sounds so stupid,” he said quietly, chokingly. “I mean, I’m _happy,_ I really am. I’m happy here and I’m happy you’re happy. But it’s just – I feel like we’re drifting apart and we’re not the same anymore and you have your own life and it’s so _different._ ”

Meryl was stunned – _this_ was what it was about?

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” she asked.

“It’s what _we_ wanted. I know, I know I should let go of it. Let go of _you._ Of what we had. I mean, we’re retiring soon, aren’t we? But I can’t. It’s like, I’m so _used_ to this and it just makes me _so angry_ how I can’t get on with the program, you know? Like, is there some sort of counseling for separating partners?” he broke off with a choked laugh. “I’m so useless at this.”

Meryl sighed and sat beside him on the bench, knee to knee like they always did.

“You’re not useless,” she said quietly. “And we’re not … we’re not _separating._ We’re just taking time off.”

“I know, I know, it’s silly – ”

“ – but yes, I know what you feel. Okay, honestly? Charlie, you’re at an amazing point in your life. You’re famous, you’re rich, you’re engaged to a beautiful, wonderful woman, and you have a _house._ It’s everything you wanted. I mean, I’m here struggling to finish my college degree and I’m not seeing anyone and I don’t think I would because … who would date someone whose idea of fun is a triple axel on a frozen rink?”

Charlie seemed to want to interrupt, by the look of contradiction on his face. But Meryl had more to say.

“And yes, I’m jealous, probably even more than what you are of me. You’re settled in. You know what to do with your future. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be married and even if I know it’s not a priority, I _do_ want it somehow. And yes, it’s difficult to be so different now. It’s hard getting used to it. It really is. Maybe – ” she broke off with a laugh “ – maybe that’s why I’ve been going out so much. Maybe this is my way of letting go because let’s face it, things are going to be so different whether or not we go back. You’re getting married – you’re practically married – and I won’t be your _main_ partner anymore because by then you’d have a _life_ partner. So I’m so sorry if I’ve been making you feel left out but Charlie, we’re both _trying_ to move on.”

They sat in silence.

They have watched enough sappy films and read enough books and seen enough lives played out to know that letting go was the hardest thing to do. But it was always the right thing.

Letting go, for Meryl, meant more than not minding how she was no longer seeing Charlie every day of every week, more than watching their rankings drop and eventually disappear as other teams rose, more than watching skating competitions and seeing their _friends_ rise higher than they’ve ever been allowed to. Letting go meant offering, without a grain of sadness in her heart, to help with the Belbin-White wedding, meant smiling happily at each of Charlie’s sweet little gestures for his fiancée, and meant allowing herself to see every gorgeous, perfect man and consciously avoid comparing him to Charlie and his perfect smile and his perfect humor and his perfect brilliance.

Moving on was bound to be a long, arduous journey. But she _had_ to do it. _They_ had to do it. Even if it meant having her heart feel like splintering with every act of undying affection Charlie did for Tanith or having Charlie feel left out and useless as she partied her way through Manhattan’s greatest clubs.

She could feel Charlie shifting to put his arm around her as the angst and tension of the moment seemed to call for. Biting her lip and feeling her eyes well up, she stood and strode out the room without a glance back.

Moving on and letting go, even physically, was _painful._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment ;)


End file.
